Some customer service true stories..
Customer: “How many slices are in your medium pizza?”
Pizza Shop Owner: “We cut it into 8 slices, but if you’d like we can cut it into 12 or even 16.”
Customer: “Oh no! Don’t do that, I can’t eat that much. Just cut it into 8.”
------------------------------
(Note: I help callers with connection problems to our wireless zones along train lines.)
Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
Caller: “I can’t access your network!”
Me: “I’m sorry about that, let me help you. Where are you currently, sir?”
Caller: “I’m traveling in between [city] and [another city].”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but there is maintenance being done in that zone. You will have to wait 20 minutes until you are back in a working zone.”
Caller: “What can I do?”
Me: “Just wait till the train is a bit farther on, and you will have a connection again.”
Caller: “This is terrible! Where’s your manager?”
Me: “Sir, it’s 4 am so I’m the only one working.”
(The customer hangs up, but then calls back again.)
Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
Caller: “F***!”
(Once again, he hangs up, and once again, he calls back.)
Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
Caller: “F***!”
(Again, he hangs up, and again, he calls back.)
Me: “Hello, tech support. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Look, I have some important stuff to watch here. Can you fix the internet?”
Me: “If you just wait 10 minutes sir, your internet will work again.”
Caller: “So, in my zone, there’s no internet?”
Me: “That’s right, sir.”
Caller: “Can’t you move the satellite so I do have internet?”
Me: “You want me to go into space and move the satellite?”
Caller: *cheerily* “Yeah, that’s right!”
Me: “Umm…well, that might take me a little bit of time, sir. I’ll have to call NASA and they’re very busy these days.”
Caller: “Oh. How long do you think it’ll take?”
Me: “About 10 minutes.”
Caller: “That’s great! Thank you.” *hangs up*
-----------------------------------
Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”
Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”
Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”
Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”
Customer: “Why does it matter? ”
Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”
Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”
